Each Wednesday evening in the month of March I had the privilege of participating in a women’s study at church. The series, called “Set Your Gaze” was fashioned after Hebrews 12:1-2 and was chock-full of all things delightful, revealing, and convicting. From the moment we walked in we experienced the kind of welcoming presence that announced we were all-around in for a special treat.

It has been a challenging year so far. A close friend who lost her husband, an elderly uncle who was recently left a widow after 67 years of marriage, my oldest brother being diagnosed with Leukemia, my own husband struggling with heart issues and in need of medical attention. In the midst of it all was this thing of grace that Jesus had been resonating deeply within me, again. I say again because it would not be the first time He needed to remind me of His tremendous love and affection for me.

I was struggling with the thought of not wanting to attend the Set Your Gaze series at all. I was tired. I was busy. I had all kinds of excuses why it would be so easy to just not go to any of them. But each Wednesday night I found myself being compelled by the Holy Spirit to come and sit at this banqueting table He had laid out for each of us. And so I went.

As I was praying on my way to the second night, Jesus had been speaking to me about my blindsides. Calling them out so that I could see them, He was asking for my trust. He was asking me to give each one to Him. When I arrived, my heart was so full from that prayer that I went inside and wrote the following on the back of one of the study guides: Lord, show me Your face! Help me take my eyes off myself long enough to behold Your beauty and Your holiness.

When the teaching began, one question that was asked within the lesson was “What would your daily life look like if you were filled to overflow with joy and peace in believing?“. My heart exposed me as I responded by writing “I would be at play“, knowing that I had not been for a long while.

Somewhere in the swirl of my prayers and responses, Jesus felt to me like He was whimsical with excitement over what was coming my way next. Our beautiful teacher, having emphasized how Jesus is the exact representation of the Father, invited us at the end of the lesson to close our eyes and enter a safe place. She then prompted us to ask Jesus to reveal the Father’s face. Feeling a stab of conviction that I had not thought to ask Him this before, I thought too of the prayer I had written before the teaching began, and so I asked Jesus directly, “Show me the Father’s face“!

In the quiet moments that followed I saw myself as a little girl in a beautiful meadow, and I was there with my Abba. He was remarkably young in appearance! We were laughing and dodging one another in a way that made it hard to tell if I was chasing Him or He was chasing me. Catching one another simultaneously, He picked me up in His arms and I began to lovingly stroke His beard. Then, as fast as the vision had come, it ended, leaving me in a puddled mess of love and affection.

The revelation that impacted me most was seeing myself at play with the Father. Over the weeks that followed I walked out that revelation more and more, letting go of all the weights that were holding me back. I have a little pink journal a friend bought for me that has the words “I will trust in You” embossed on the front. I realize now that the more I trust God with the mysteries, the more revelation He is willing to give me.

Lord Jesus,
Mornings when I go to write in this journal, I see “I will trust in You” on the cover. On the surface I’m all about that, 100%! But my husband pointed out to me the other evening how much I really do worry about the small things. This has been a year of fragility staring me in the face in such accusing ways. What would it look like if I were to truly let go and trust in the ways I always tell others that I already do? Like the little girl at play with her Father in the meadow.
Oh, Lord, I worship you! You are my all in all! There is not one thing I will ever need that you have not already provided and You are moved with passion whenever I discover it! You know I’m not seeing my inheritance fully, all at once. I’m only seeing it one transaction at a time. Are you enticing me to look all at once or is part of the fun to keep portions of it a mystery so I will be amazed in a million different ways over my lifetime? More AHA moments filled with delightful expressions of “I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!”. I love You so much and forever rejoice in You, my bridegroom king!